apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
