I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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