Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
