The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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