I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
