it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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