have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
