Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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