how can u be prego again
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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