The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
