Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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