Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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