doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
