she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
