so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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