Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
