I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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