She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
