i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize