WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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