Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
