omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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