Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
PANTIES FOUND
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