You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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