Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
