He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
