Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
