I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
