I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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