Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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