genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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