He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Two words: nipple clamps
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