We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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