I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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