gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
