He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
