i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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