No I am not eating basil off your cock
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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