apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
