I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
