Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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