So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
