I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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