I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
