You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
