Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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