You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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