The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
