My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
