Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Everything about him screamed your future.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
