The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
