Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
