you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
