just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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