apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
pop tarts are not kleenex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
