I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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