I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
