The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize