Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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