you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
