dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Green mimosas i think yes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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