dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
