i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
