yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
